In every man's heart there is a secret nerve that answers to the vibrations of beauty

I let my heart get the best of me again. I have been holding back a lot lately when it comes to dating. One big reason is I haven't really found someone who I was willing to date. Yes, I have been kinda picky but I don't really see that as a bad thing at this point. I'd been hurt too much to just let myself open up to anyone. Then I met Derek. As cliche as it might sound, we just clicked. I could talk to him for hours, and we never ran out of things to say (which is very uncommon with me). I was attracted to him, he seemed to be attracted to me. But you know how they say things that seem too good to be true usually are? I think that's what happened. We finally had time to see each other last night so we met half way which was Duchesne. We played in a park and turned his backseat into a movie theater by watching a movie on his laptop. We talked, laughed, listened to music (thankfully we like the same stuff), and simply enjoyed each others company. This is when things got weird. This morning I text him to say good morning like I always do but he didn't respond. I wasn't really worried since it was early on a weekend and we had been out late the night before. Finally at noon he said he had been sleeping, but that's all I've heard from him all day.

I know I sound super pathetic, but it is just odd. We always talk. Maybe I am just overreacting, but I don't like this. We finally get to spend time together and that's when he decides that he is done talking to me? I need to stop having feelings. That's the plan now...

When family isn't family

Without going into extreme detail, I have truly come to the conclusion that some family, isn't really family at all. My Uncle Bob is the best person who I can describe when it comes to matters like this. He's anti social, doesn't care about me or my sister at all, and kinda tries to make our lives miserable. Brooklyn and I approached him asking for help for a certain situation. He has turned this into a bigger deal than it needs to be, and it's becoming a problem for us.

So now Brooklyn and I are stuck trying to find a place to live in Salt Lake, and not in the manner of which we would have preferred. I hate the idea of renting more. I found us a nice apartment, not too expensive, they will allow our dog, but it's farther way from the U than we would have liked.

I guess beggars can't be choosers, but it doesn't mean that I have to like this any less.

Daddy

Going into the night, I knew it would be a rough one for me. Brooklyn and Drill Team have just gone hand in hand for the past four years. It is hard to imagine not traveling to attend all of her competitions. It also is hard because Kara Lynne is done now, and she has left such a legacy, not on at Wasatch, but in the entire dance community. I already knew I would cry, but not like I did by the time the night was over.

I feel lucky that my dad's best friend lives in Midway. Ernie's daughters have become close with not only me, but Brooklyn too. Tori is a cheerleader for Wasatch and performed a routine at the Spectacular tonight. Ernie not only came, but took the time to talk to my mom, Brooklyn, and me. He cried with us as we talked about dad, how we all miss him, how he would be proud of us, and so much more. I didn't think I could let something like that get to me in that way. It's nice knowing that someone knew my dad, before he had his problems, and could help me and my sister. Nothing is ever going to take the pain away, but it's amazing knowing that someone knows how we feel.

How Accident Prone am I?

Well last night is just more proof that I can't do anything without being hurt. I was night tubing with my family (it's our new tradition here). My first run of the night did not go as planned. I tried to stop but I couldn't. All of a sudden I was in the air, according to my uncle I was in the air twice actually. The thing that stopped me was I hit a tree. Not my tube, but my arm/face hit a tree while I was still in the air. I landed in the snow, having no idea where I was or where my tube was. I'll admit that when I stood up I was both laughing and crying. I'm still in a lot of pain, but it just goes to show I can't do anything without hurting myself.

Something's Missing

It's been a long time since I've felt like something is truly missing in my life. I joke around all of the time that having a boyfriend would be nice or that I'm the only single one out of my friends. But the more I look at it, in some ways I am the only one who is single. A good majority of my friends are either in a serious relationship or they are married. Don't get me wrong, I am so extremely happy for them. But I'm 22. I know that is still young, but I can't help but feel like there is something missing in my life. I don't necessarily want to be married. In fact, I don't think I'm nearly ready for that step in life yet. Yet commitment, companionship, knowing someone wants me in their life, that's what I feel like I am missing.

I realized this quite some time ago, but I do my best to not think about it. But I was just on the lovely book of faces and this guy (he'll remain nameless) that I spent some time with this summer, who told me he wasn't really looking for a relationship, was talking about his girlfriend. I'm glad he's happy, yet sometimes I wonder why I wasn't good enough to make him think that maybe he could be with someone. He's not the only one either. It seems to be happening around me all of the time. I know it's not really my fault, and if they don't want to be with me then they are the ones who are missing out. Knowing that, and believing that all of the time are two very different things.

This is just my rant and rave on how sometimes it's really frustrating being the odd one out.

4th of July

Well we have just celebrated one of my favorite holidays ever! Independence Day means so much to me, I can't even begin to explain it. I feel so proud to live in such an amazing country, and blessed to have the freedoms that I have. But I also have some serious issues with how some people approach the day. Here are a few:

1. Sudden Increase in Patriotism: You should be a patriot all year, not just one day of the year.

2. Thinking it's just about food/fireworks: Enjoy what the day is truly about, everyone is entitled to the freedoms which we have, but not everyone has it.

3. Changing the National Anthem: For goodness sake people, since when is it EVER appropriate to change the national anthem? Sure, go ahead and stylize it a bit, that's fine. But adding a million notes, words, anything like that, it's just pure disrespect. If you were to do that in any other country, you would be shot. Thank you Billboard for creating this http://www.billboard.com/#/column/viralvideos/10-worst-national-anthem-performances-ever-1004101877.story?tag=hpflash3

I love this country, and I hope you do too!!

What a weekend

So I've decided that next time I'm getting over a sinus infection, I wont push myself as I did this weekend (though it was totally worth it).

Saturday morning I opened at work so I was at work at 6 and I worked until 3. From there I ran some errands for my mom and sister, got ready and then went to Salt Lake. There some of Heather's closest friends went out to dinner at Happy Sumo. We had such a fun time at dinner, it was nice seeing everyone and celebrating my best friend getting married. After dinner we headed to Keys on Main to have some drinks (well they did) and basically have karaoke times 10. The bar loved us, we were so into the whole night. I went to take Kristy to her car which was left at the Gateway, but it turns out it was locked in :(. So I took her home and got home to Heber at about 2:15 that morning.

Sunday, Brooklyn and I went to a mission farewell for our old neighbor and I also babysat him when we lived in Salt Lake. It was so weird to be back, but it was so nice catching up with people who helped define my childhood. Once we were done there we went to visit our aunt who is still in the hospital.

All in all it was a good weekend, okay it was a great weekend. But please remind me that I need to rest the next time I'm sick.